Encounter On early morning walks Peanut leads, my eyes glazed over and I stumble down stairs. I follow her fawn-colored blur as she zooms off towards the grass. The sun hides behind clouds, the cool morning air invigorates my senses pulling me from the restless nightmares that follow me throughout the day. A soft, familiar rustle emerges from the bushes: black beaks peck frantically, hoping to find an insect or a dried-out berry amongst the vegetation. She pulls me forward to observe the quail family begging with her large brown eyes to greet her fellow creatures, quick-footed as they scurry across the road to hide, necks outstretched— each one behind the other— dense black plumes atop nimble gray bodies, twelve miniature copies scrambling for their nest. The little ones echo quiet chirps and coos as one continuous line turns into a dark blur disappearing into the thicket. Safe and hidden low in the vegetation to rest for a moment. With one final look of longing I decide it’s time to head home too.
Only in a Memory How do you rebuild a relationship To someone who has forgotten its entirety Where the wires of your mind became jumbled And replaced our memories with its pain Should I start with my name That crumbles like broken clay When it crosses my mind Because it was yours, too Do I begin with November When it felt like bone cracking in my chest As I sobbed alone in the choir room After your first attempt Would it have made a difference If I dedicated my hours to Skipping school to be with you In the hospital room My silent promise Backed with sixteen-year-old determination Vowed to show that you are loved That life is worth living How do I attempt to conjure up Our hour-long walks at the island With you pulling my hand to Climb the gnarled driftwood Could I even muster up the words To tell you that the guitar in my corner Reminds me of how your hands tentatively Moved across the same glossy exterior Should I show you the videos of us Sick with dizziness at midnight As we spun endlessly On a long forgotten merry-go-round I have scoured the depths of language But watch the words petrify in amber As I perpetually fall short of Reviving who we once were
With and Without The wind wafts its cotton candy breeze towards us. You watched as the couples around us danced. I push your hands off me And they return a moment later. You lay on top of me To help you relax, you said. Those same empty words echoed in my memory. I turn my head to the side A cracked tree branch plummets silently to the ground. I sit beside you and you don’t look at me. My sighs don’t elicit a response Beyond us, rows of spruce at the water’s edge A dipper dives headfirst into the lake Emerging without a sound
Last Thoughts of a Girl Caught in a Storm Tonight the boat lurches, Caught in the waves’ violent tug-of-war His stories were different. He didn’t tell me it would feel like this. The waves were 15 metres high! The waves have consumed the boat. My hair, greased with sweat, stuck to my forehead As my eyes searched frantically in the dark For eyes to lock with mine, But I was met with only Tangled bodies and faces contorted in fear. Does he, too, see moments of terror in his darkened eyes? The boat reels again and I try to conjure up his voice telling a familiar story But the howling winds and whispered steady prayers Buzz around in my head. One million little beetles crawling around and creating a cacophony My eyelids grow heavy from fatigue But I pry them open with my fingers, Willing myself to stay conscious, to not forget. I have to make it. None of their sacrifices will go to waste. You are a good child. An elbow collides into my temple I look over at the child next to me, Searching for his mother. I take his small hands into mine and hum a familiar refrain for the both of us. Only a few days on this boat and Already I feel changed. How much of the old me will follow when we hit shore? I long to sit upon his shoulders, just once more.
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Sam Ludlow is a poetry writer living in Ellensburg, Washington. Her work has appeared in Expressionists Literary Magazine. She is currently a student in the English MA: Literary Studies and Teaching program at Central Washington University.
